Life is a Puzzle (Part 3)

Ways on NOT to be a parent:

I hope this will be my only "UGLY" post. This is what I fight. But as my Aunt told me at my Dad's last wedding; "you turned out really good despite your your parents". My only response; "I DO REALLY  have issues!" ..... I can laugh at most now....oh so thankful that I have overcome most of them....

One thing I can give my parents; they taught me the way NOT to be a parent!  My mom did the best she could at the time; and My dad has come a long way. But, both have contributed to my.. "The Ways NOT to be a Parent".

I will start with my Dad, since he is the reason for the first part of my life to be so screwed up. He believes children were meant to be seen and not heard. Anyone that has had kids knows that that is far from the truth. We; my brother and I; got blamed for EVERYTHING. Even if it was for his own stupidity.  For not putting something back where HE thought it should go.... Our punishment? We would get the belt.

I remember one tyrant he was on that caused a plate of food to wind up on the wall. My Mom and my brother still argue over what was on the plate before it hit the wall. But that does not in anyway diminish the lack of self-control my father had.

I remember so many times where I was called "stupid". After awhile, a child starts to believe that. It takes years, if at all, to get over such labeling from a parent. Number ONE for what a parent should NOT do.

My parents separated many times before the "last" one. But on the last one....It was the first time I can ever remember my Dad ever telling me he loved me.

Many years later; my Dad was diagnosed with Alcoholism. On the verge of loosing his second wife, he went into rehab..... and after he was sober, I also learned what he had done to my step-siblings....With that knowledge, I have to say... the abuse my bother and I went through was nothing compared to them.... But; that too is a story not for me to tell.

I guess it was his sobriety.  He tried to PARENT me well beyond my 21st Birthday. That is one thing that I did not take lightly. How dare him try to be a parent when I was an adult! His opportunity for Parenting was well over. Since he was getting no where with me, I then felt him trying to tell me how to parent MY child. That is when I blew a gasket. He was never THERE to be a parent. He NEVER was a parent. How the hell can he tell me how it is to be done. I knew what I was feeling and there was NO way in hell I was going to let that happen to MY child.

Mom's influence:  Her influence wasn't as "In your face"... or so it was in the beginning.  Somewhere along the line I learned that if she was upset about something... I had BETTER KNOW why.  And beyond knowing WHY... I had better FIX it.... WHAT THE HELL???? I am not, and will never be a mind reader.  If she can't muster the guts enough to tell me what is going on... then I can't muster the time to deal with her pouting and the shunning of I and my family.  When it comes to me, I am pretty tough.  I can handle (ignore) it.  But when the hurt overflows onto my children; that is when this Momma lion strikes.

Recently I was in an awkward situation where we were both at a family function.  I think all and all I did well.  I have become well learned in the art of ignoring.....

But, in learning to ignore others.... you somehow, unknowingly learn to ignore you.  The suppression of feelings leads you to suppress your needs.  You learn to give up your wants, just so you don't have to deal with the misbehavior's' of others.

And people wonder why they can't figure me out.... Go figure. LOL